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The Trench Coat’s ascent to renown is attributed to the British military. It was a much wanted article of dressing during the war. After the war, they were worn by military officers in easy civilian settings. After that time, thousands have been drawn to it and have began utilising them.

Improvements were put in to the Trench Coat as the years went by. They have been re-designed to display distinct styles, features and colours. Shoppers can nowadays choose the single or double breasted, cropped (othewise known as three quarter length), belted, full length, and wax-coated trench coats. Women can now savour the beauty of donning Trench Coats as well.

In addition to weather protection, Trench Coats are nowadays more variable and versatile. A removable liner is nowadays embedded in the Trench Coat’s design so that we can use it all year round. Further, modern buyers tend to prefer duffle coats, blazers, leather coats and pea coats.

Trench Coats can also compliment other outfits and sorts of dressing, apart from it being worn over suits. They go well with classy trousers, casual jeans and even skirts. Wearing them imparts a certain finesse to your outfit. When Katharine Hepburn and Humphrey Bogart started to use and popularize them, the presence of Trench Coats has been solidified. Apart from celebrities, politicians and renowned athletes have likewise worn them.

Without a doubt, Trench Coats have really risen up in our times. Owing to imaginative and sound patterns, they have seized man’s yearnings to have beautiful clothing and as a result has resisted time. It’s about time you get one in your closet.

Balding and hair loss can decrease self esteem, causing depression and a lack of confidence. Genetics, aging and hormonal instabilities all contribute to hair loss. However, those suffering from baldness or thinning hair, have numerous hair loss solutions to select from.

For men, Propecia (generic name Finasteride) is the only accessible doctor-prescribed hair loss solution. The drug brings down the levels of a hormone called Dihydrotestosterone (DHT), a chemical that causes balding. Propecia can reduce DHT levels by 60 percent, when consumed daily. Around half of all men who take Propecia regrow hair on their scalps.

The nonprescription drug Minoxidil (Rogaine) is available for males and women suffering from hair loss. Research indicates Minoxidil works in about one out of every three men who apply the product twice daily. While the five-percent strength is not recommended for women, some physicians will prescribe the higher concentration. Patients applying the higher dose enhanced their hair growth.

Organic supplements are also used as hair loss treatments. Supplements such as flaxseed and primrose oils contain essential fatty acids that make hair look lusher and healthier. Vitamin B3, B5, and B6 also promote hair growth. Vitamin C, Vitamin E, and Coenzyme Q10 stimulate hair follicles to improve scalp circulation. Zinc, Kelp and Copper boost immune functions, aiding hair growth.

Another hair loss treatment that is available is laser hair therapy. This procedure uses low-light lasers to repair damaged hair cells. Research suggest that approximately 90 percent of patients regrow hair. Laser hair therapy also prevents additional hair thinning and loss.

Currently, more hair loss treatments are available to treat male-pattern baldness. However, researchers are conducting studies to further understand which hair loss treatments work best for women. While many options exist, early intervention is the key to improving hair loss and regaining self confidence.

Men have consistently been self conscious about looking bald, but nevertheless, these days being bald is fast becoming a fashion fad. More of today’s male movie stars are also sporting bald heads. People will often notice many of the trendiest up & coming celebs with bald heads, by choice. There are additionally lots of elder movie stars that are not hiding up the fact that they are going bald. All of these trends are wonderful for men, that don’t need to care about becoming bald. The additional great advice for men that are losing their hair, is that there are currently even more advanced hair solutions, then ever before.

If one need encouragement that being bald is popular just look at Vin Diesel, Howie Mandel, Bruce Willis & Andre Agassi. These men are some of the most appealing men in the US, and they are all bald. Whether bald by choice or by nature, baldness can make people look exceedingly famed & appealing. When men are bald & bold, they are astonishingly sexy. Just like any fashion, being bald is all about attitude. When people are bald you need to own a positive attitude, then you may have no problem engaging women.

If you are becoming bald, but you are not yet hopeful with your brand-new feature, there are countless remedies out there. Lots of hair loss treatments, assist you grow back your own natural hair. When you grow back your own hair, it will look and feel completely natural. Growing back your own hair will aid you look & feel younger, & can often help you feel more confidant. Growing back one’s own hair is an excellent opportunity, for the reason that you can continue to look like yourself, simply younger.

If growing one’s own hair again is not an option, there are also lots of advanced hair therapies that will aid you get a full head of hair back. No matter what kind of baldness problems you are having, rest assured that there is a hair loss cure that will apply for you. Some of the advanced hair cures are more elaborate, & it can take a longer time before you own a full head of hair. More men worry, about their hair looking natural after they use these advanced hair remedies. Be sure to talk to the doctor or the person doing the hair treatments, to make sure you completely understand the outcome. For the best results in hair regrowth, visit Advanced Hair Studio.

The most crucial thing regarding hair loss, is that you feel natural and comfortable. If you feel attractive bald, don’t care about getting hair loss treatments. If you are self conscious about your thinning hair, you are not alone. If you do your fact finding, & get the finest hair loss treatment for you, you are sure to feel great with your hair.

Do you ever hear a voice inside your head that tries to convince you not to move forward and take a risk? The level of risk is usually inconsequential. It could be starting a conversation with a person you’ve just met, it could be making a cold call, it could starting a new task, a new adventure or even a new business. Each and every day you are faced with plenty of risks.

One moment you can picture yourself achieving some form of greatness, and the next moment you can find yourself listening to a voice that proclaims no matter what you do, greatness will always elude you. Sometimes it is other people, who discourage you from moving forward, but far too often it’s the troublemakers inside your head that convince you to remain dormant and accept things the way they are.

Years ago, while reading a familiar story with my youngest daughter, I had several insights that I had failed to notice previously. Keep in mind that whether you think the story factual or not, it is completely equipped with truth. The story is that of Nehemiah. Look how Nehemiah’s story shows the power in doing the UNreasonable to achieve extraordinary results.

Nehemiah was a captive Jew, who was a cup bearer to the Persian King, Artaxerxes (pronounced are-ta-zerk-zees). One day one of Nehemiah’s relatives comes to visit him, and Nehemiah asks how things in Jerusalem are going. The relative tells him that the people are miserable and the city is in ruins. Nehemiah is deeply saddened by the news – so much so that the next time he brings King Artaxerxes his drinking cup, the King notices his despondence and asks why he’s so sad. Although he feels fearful to tell the King why, he does anyway. (Yes, he feels the fear but does it anyway!) To his surprise the King asks how he can be of help. Would you believe this simple cup bearer, this captive Jew exhibits no restraint and requests that he be allowed to go to the city of his ancestors and help rebuild its walls? And if that isn’t amazing enough, his request is granted!

Upon his arrival in Jerusalem, Nehemiah encourages a great number of people to help him. But once they all get started, some troublemakers encounter them. These troublemakers mock and jeer them. “Can you rebuild this place in the wink of an eye? Can you make good buildings out of old burned rubble? Hey, if a fox climbed on what you’re building, it would fall down!” Guess what happened? Nehemiah and his friends paid no attention to those troublemakers!

When the wall was about half built, the troublemakers were determined that the wall would never be finished. They even planned to harm the builders if necessary. However, Nehemiah’s enthusiasm was unstoppable. He roused up the workers to build by day and guard the walls by night until everything could be completed.

But the troublemakers had still another plan – they sent Nehemiah an enticing invitation to come to a special gathering. Nehemiah sent back a message that his work was too important to leave right now. Four times such invitations were sent. Each time Nehemiah resisted temptation and refused to go.

Then Nehemiah received a letter accusing him of planning to make himself king and telling him that he was in for a great deal of trouble. Did he take time to defend himself? NO – he saw this letter and accusation as just another form of trickery. No threats or tricks could keep Nehemiah from doing his good work, and because of that, the walls of Jerusalem were built in a very short period of time.

Nehemiah was just a cup bearer and a captive Jew at that. He lacked prestige, money and even freedom, yet this man’s request to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem was granted. UNreasonable requests yield UNreasonable results. If you restrict yourself to ordinary, reasonable requests, you become a captive of a plain and ordinary life. Request the UNreasonable and live an extraordinary life.

Getting past the troublemakers inside your own head, whose job seems to be leading you astray, requires infinite alertness and persistence. Nehemiah was not a cup bearer; he was a great leader. Nehemiah was not a captive; he expressed the ultimate freedom in rising above perceived limitations to pursue and achieve one’s deepest desire. Nehemiah, knew to let nothing keep him from his desire. He didn’t worry about insulting thoughts or words, he didn’t fear the pain he might endure, he resisted temporary pleasures, and he avoided all involvement with hearsay, and he paid no attention to troublemakers in order to stay on task and fulfill a dream. And remember – his dream was accomplished in a very short period of time.

How many times have you planned how to move yourself ahead in your business, only to be stopped by those troublemakers inside your own head that say, “you just don’t have the courage, you just don’t have enough time, you just don’t have enough energy.” Oh to have the faith in yourself that Nehemiah had! What fortress would you build if you guarded your thoughts and saw through the trickery of those sneering troublemakers inside your head that say you can’t?

Tammy Stanley is an inventive and exceptionally motivating speaker. Her keynotes, workshops and breakout sessions satisfy the needs of myriad types of businesses. Through her depth of analysis, her comfortable self-revealing style, and her captivating personal story telling she inspires her audience to take action. Tammy is the founder of Carpe Phonum… How to Seize the Phone, Take Action and Call Your Prospects Even When You Lack The Courage. Learn her 5 steps to move from call reluctance to call willingness, available free at http://www.carpephonum.com

I’d given up on all the usual words, now I was searching for the magic ones — words that would make the pain go away. It was just after New Year’s when I lost Jonathan, my baby son, to spinal muscular atrophy. And I was stuck. Everything I read in books and magazines made sense, but nothing took the pain away.

Just before Jonathan died, I had sat with him in the hospital, his little hand clasped in mine, his three-year-old brother, Daniel, entertaining us with songs on his guitar. A copy of Parade magazine was on the table. On the cover were the words, Deal With Loss by Celebrating Life. The meaning struck a chord in me, but its full impact was yet to come.

Jonathan died three days later. The despair that followed was unbearable; the days were difficult, the nights were worse. Searching for comfort, I came across a passage in The Prophet by Khalil Gibran that talked about celebrating life as a way of dealing with loss. I looked up from my book and saw the little memorial card my husband had made for me, which included a picture of Jonathan and the words from the Parade cover, laminated together.

This time, the words took a grip on me and wouldn’t let go. I began to cry uncontrollably; but the tears felt different, like a new beginning. It was as if the darkness that had surrounded me for the past few months had lifted.

Deal with loss by celebrating life.

I remembered a sunny day shortly before Jonathan had become ill. I had taken him and Daniel to a playground, and while Daniel frolicked, I rocked Jonathan in his carriage. Suddenly, I noticed a little girl sitting in a wheelchair on the sidewalk, sadly watching the other children. Her fingers tightly gripped the spokes of her wheelchair; her little chin quivered as she tried to hold back her tears. She longed to be joining the other children at play, but with no accessible path to the equipment, she couldn’t get close. And even if she could, there was nothing for her to do. Not one part of the playground was available to a child in a wheelchair.

The image of that little girl sitting on the sidelines continued to haunt me while Jonathan was struggling for life in the hospital. Now here I was at my desk, thinking about how to celebrate Jonathan’s life. I had my answer.

What if I built a playground where all children could play? Wouldn’t that be a true celebration of life?

The idea stayed with me through the next few months, as I struggled to find the strength and courage to begin the work. I started slowly, enlisting the help of my family; I recruited volunteers — more than one thousand of them. My husband made little memorial cards, just like the one he’d made for me, for our entire family. We carried them with us everywhere, and to this day, I still find them unexpectedly in the pockets of something I am wearing.

But as April 1st of that year approached — what would have been Jonathan’s first birthday — I was once again plunged into despair. I’d see other babies who looked about a year old and my heart would break all over again. I longed for Jonathan.

Rather than run from the date, my husband Peter and I decided to have a party on Jonathan’s birthday at the local hospital. We arranged for a storyteller and a singer to entertain the children. We spent the day crying tears of joy and tears of sadness.

We celebrated the day. And we survived the day.

Eighteen months from the day I’d first read those insightful words, we opened our special playground. We called it Jonathan’s Dream. The moment I saw children in wheelchairs rolling up the ramp to the equipment, I was overwhelmed with tears of happiness.

Here were kids of all abilities, playing and learning together.

They were celebrating life. And I was celebrating Jonathan.

Copyright © 2006 Marlo Thomas

Marlo Thomas graduated from the University of Southern California with a teaching degree. She is the author of four bestselling books, Free to Be . . . You and Me, Free to Be . . . a Family, The Right Words at the Right Time, and Thanks and Giving: All Year Long. Ms. Thomas has won four Emmy Awards, a Golden Globe, a Grammy, the Peabody Award, and has been inducted into the Broadcasting Hall of Fame for her work in television, including her starring role in the landmark series That Girl, which she also conceived and produced. She is the National Outreach Director for St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital in Memphis, Tennessee. Ms. Thomas lives in New York with her husband, Phil Donahue.

For more information, please visit http://www.rightwordsbooks.com.

Paul Lawrence Vann, Lt. Col. USAF (Ret) has dined at the White House with the President, worked for a prominent member of Congress, and for over twelve consecutive years held challenging leadership positions and roles in the Pentagon.

His book is titled Living on Higher Ground: How to live with passion, motivation, and joy.

This book includes secrets to success and emphasizes the power of our mind and just how powerful we are. This book will change your life because you will be able to see the life path Paul Lawrence Vann took to escape abject poverty to become an Air Force leader and successful entreprenuer.

United States military is the most respected institution in our country, and Lieutenant Colonel Paul Lawrence Vann, USAF (Ret) is continuing to uphold the traditions of the military institution through his exceptional book.

Living on Higher Ground reflects the virtues of the call of duty and the rewards of the military experience. Paul’s book is as applicable to corporations, associations, youth, and individuals, as it is to military troops and their families.

Paul Lawrence Vann states, “Now more than ever all citizens in the United States of America need to increase their level of support for our troops. Were it not for our military troops fighting on the frontlines, likelihood is that all citizens would be in the fray.”

Our men and women in uniform are our new “Greatest Generation,” and their sacrifices are tremendous because they are helping us maintain our freedoms and way of life.

Vann reminds us of the importantance of keeping military families, especially the children of our men and women in uniform in our hearts and minds because they experience deployment-related stress on a daily basis.

Ed Hutchison is CEO and President of the North American Boxing Council (NABC.net). He works with pro athletes, trainers & managers at all levels. He writes daily on his personal website http://www.winrz.com – Winrz.com Home Page for Winners about self help, leadership and success.

How wonderful it would be if we can read the mind of our partner or even anyone whom we are attracted to. We would know what he or she likes, whether he or she is in love with me or simply whether he or she is cheating on you!

Although I do believe that there a psychics who can really mind read, I also understand that it may be a God given gift and may not easily be modelled or learnt. So well what can we do? Cry and wallow into self-pity because of a lack in skills?

NO WAY!

I attended a course call Patterns of Excellence which encompassed the essentials of NLP. One part of the program included this thing called language pattern of “Mind Reading”. This is really cool I thought! This trainer taught that the tools could also be used to seduce someone! This is way too cool.

In NLP, mind reading is simply using phrases to embed a suggestion into someone else’s mind to make the person more receptive and comfortable to what you propose. For example, when out on a date, you can say this to build rapport and play the lead role of the date:

“Did you know that XXX Restaurant serves the freshest oysters? You want to go there for dinner?”

Your date will be amazed at how well you understand him or her and you know he or she will be in agreement. And the rest of the journey is made easier.

Have fun testing it out!

Mark is a Certified NLP Practioner who writes articles to help help others discover more about themselves and unleash their latent potential for excellence or attracting the people they like. Visit http://www.1seduction.com

“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly” -anonymous

Hope

As I sat on a plane going to Atlanta, I felt the sadness that has been welling up inside of me thinking about the funeral of my dear niece Sara. I just spoke to her less than a week before on the phone. We actually had a longer than normal conversation, lasting almost a half hour. I detected nothing in her voice to lead me to worry about her. She seemed to be dealing with her life and the recent surgery removing her appendix, and getting back to work. I heard nothing that sounded an alarm. That’s the thing about suicide. There often is no outward sign that something is wrong. I’ve dealt with suicide before. My best friend Bob was the first really close person to me that left this planet by his own hand. I felt helpless then, and I feel helpless now. The difference is that this time, I knew what to do to help, and I still wasn’t able to.

A friend of mine wrote to me after hearing about my niece, telling me that she too had had suicidal thoughts in her past and how she didn’t reach out either. Luckily for her something inside her kept her from completing her attempt. We all have different strengths inside of us. The problem is that sometimes things can feel overwhelming. I certainly have felt that way, but there’s always been something that kept me here.

To anyone that reads this, and ever feels alone and hopeless, know that there is always hope. You may not be able to see it, but reach out for help and someone else will be able to see it for you. Sometimes professionals have limiting beliefs and pass them on to others. Like a doctor that says there’s nothing we can do. The correct wording would be there’s nothing more I know how to do. But don’t give up! Hope is what creates miracles. It’s a belief, that no matter how things look, there can be something done, or something created to change what might be fact or truth as we now know it. Miracles indeed happen every day.

I have to say that suicide is never the answer. I have to think that once the person crosses over, they realize that there was another way, but it’s too late, at least this time. The effect that suicide has is so much more than most people could realize. We affect so many people that if we choose suicide, we never see the wide ripple effect it causes. I was caught in a tidal wave effect when my friend Bob died. I was in tremendous pain. I cried for days. I cried for years. Jimmy Stewart in “It’s a Wonderful Life” found out what difference he made to all the people around him. He got a second chance. Unfortunately we don’t usually get that in life. It has to be known, by each of us. Dustin Hoffman in “Hero” found out he made a difference in lives, even though before that his life wasn’t about contributing to others.

We all contribute to others in different ways. I try to contribute to others with my work, my writing, my speaking. But everybody contributes to the world one way or another. We touch many people in our lives. Many we never know about, and of course the ones we do. When suicide is chosen, many more people are affected and hurt that the person could possibly realize. I don’t pretend to have the answers to everyone’s problems, but I do know that they do, and perhaps can’t see them because of their depression.

The key is to reach out to someone. If they don’t have the answer, or aren’t supportive, find someone else that is. There are suicide hotlines all over the country. (1 800 SUICIDE 1 800 784-2433, or 1 800 273-TALK.1 800 273-8255) There are friends, family, ministers, therapists, books, etc. Reach out! Don’t give up! Pray for guidance. Talk to someone, anyone. Let someone know that you are in pain. Hold on. It will get better. That’s a guarantee. Believe me.

What to do when you feel stuck?

One of the first things to do is to slow down and center yourself if you can. Do this by taking a deep breath. Literally take a couple of deep breaths letting them out slowly. Breathing is powerful in calming you down and allowing better thought processes to occur.

Look into someone’s eyes, or if alone, look into a mirror. This eye to eye connection helps also to calm and center you.

Reach out for help. Help is always available and knowing that there is a way out even if you can’t see it is extremely important. Believe that you can be helped and you do deserve help no matter what. Sometimes you’re too close to the picture to be able to see the big picture and therefore the solution to the problem. Einstein said “You can’t solve a problem with the same mind that created it.” In other words either you have to shift your thinking or have someone else help you to find the solution. Talk to someone that you know will support you, and not add to your stress level. Sometimes a good friend or family member fills this roll. Other times a coach, minister or therapist can offer not only a sympathetic ear, but also techniques and advice to guide you through your challenge. Tell them if you just want them to listen, or if you want them to listen and then offer advice.

Remember you do have your own answers. Sometimes you can’t see them without shifting or having support.

Take a time-out for yourself. Place a little distance between you and your problem. This sometimes is physical distance, other times just closing your eyes and deep breathing, creating a safe space for you to balance yourself. Take a walk. This simple act often allows you to clear your head, and regain your perspective.

Sometimes you need to express yourself. You can do this several ways. Sometimes you can write your feelings down, like in journaling. Putting your thoughts on paper is powerful and often releases them so your mind can clear. Sometimes a guided writing format helps. I use what I call the Soul Letter technique to guide me through the 7 steps of the emotional ladder. I find it helps to keep me balanced in my expression of my feelings and emotions. (See Get Unstuck! Chapter 9)

If writing it’s not a practical solution or it isn’t going to do it at the time, you may want to try blowing off a little steam with some loud expression. This often can be challenging to shout your feelings, and not disturb others. One way to do this is to stack several pillows on a bed or couch and place your head deep into them and shout away! If you’re near nature where there aren’t a lot of people around, you can shout and only the squirrels or seagulls will hear you. Once you’ve expressed yourself, you’ll feel a release and then hopefully you will more balanced.

Whatever combination you use, there is always a way out. Know that there is and you will find it. Now take a deep breath, and face your day!

“At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” ~Albert Schweitzer~

5 Things to do to help a friend in need.

Friends often reach out for help when they are in need. Here’s what to do when your friend reaches out to you.

First try to calm them down a little by asking them to take a couple of deep breaths. Literally get them to pause for just a moment and breathe. Often times this will bring them more into a balanced state of mind.

The second thing to do is to listen, really listen to them. Sometimes you need to make a “safe space” for them to open up. This can be accomplished by giving them your full attention. Even on the phone, they can sense whether you are giving them only part of your attention. If you’re physically with them, look at them, look in their eyes. Have an empathetic attitude and make sure it reflects in your face. Don’t make any judgments about what you hear. Come from a place of neutrality.

Ask them if they want your advice or if they just want you to listen. Men often make the mistake of trying to “fix” a problem when they see it. That’s why a new problem may be created if advice is offered and not wanted. Sometimes you may have some advice that fits for you, but might not be the best for them. So first ask them what they see as a solution. People have their own answers, but often times are too involved to see them. Other times with a little reflection they will figure out what needs to be done.

If you do offer advice, make sure it is balanced. Sometimes we have our own agenda when we offer advice. It’s always best to frame your advice with something like well if I were in your situation, I might such and such. Remember they are looking for support, but you need to be their balance to help them to see what makes sense to them. Remember that if you say throw the bum out, and they decide they want to stay with him; you are setting yourself up for a problem of your own.

Finally make sure they feel heard. Often that’s the real need they have. You can perception check with them by asking “If I hear you right, you are feeling such and such.” Then see if you are accurate. Once they really feel that they’ve expressed their feelings and emotions and feel heard, the problem will seem handleable. Just knowing that they have support can make them feel better and have hope. Pass this on, you may be saving someone you love.

John Seeley M.A. holds a Master’s degree in psychology is a Life Coach, Speaker and Author of the book Get Unstuck! The Simple Guide to Restart Your Life. John Seeley is President/CEO of Blue Moon Wonders and HeartFire Seminars, which specialize in educational and personal growth workshops and products.

John grew up in the Midwest the youngest of five children. He has lived and worked all over the country for Fortune 500 companies. John has been involved in personal growth & coaching since 1990. He works with individuals as well as business executives who have a commitment to making positive changes and awakening a greater sense of purpose and fulfillment in their lives and companies. John is a catalyst for change your life and has been in the lives of many people. John’s books Get Unstuck! The Simple Guide to Restart Your Life! and Get Unstuck! The Companion Workbook are showing people the steps to take to get their lives moving and create the life they really want. for more info and other articles go to http://www.getunstuck.com

Stop for just a second, take a look around you and ask yourself if this is the quality of life you were hoping for. If you answered “No”, then my question to you is “why not?” “What are you doing to change your life?” Most people who have been asked what they’ve done to change their lives say “it’s no use because…..” and so it goes…. excuses.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. The first step in getting out of the rut is to stop making excuses and assume responsibility for the quality of your life. You can change your life situation today. How do I know? I know because others have done it. There will always be obstacles, but none that can’t be overcome. The only requirement is the desire to change. Mark Twain once said “It’s not the size of the dog in the fight; it’s the size of the fight in the dog.” If your “want to” is strong enough, you can achieve almost anything you set your mind to.

The second step to getting out of the rut is step out in faith and, as the Nike commercial says, “Just do it”. There is no time like the present to change course. You might not succeed the first time, but you must keep trying. Success will come with persistence. Don’t worry about making a mistake. Albert Einstein once said “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”

So step out. Take a chance, and as William Durant, the founder of General Motors said “Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you’re going to do now and do it.”

If you don’t feel good about yourself, you have to fix it. There’s no other way
around it. You can’t raise confident kids, have a healthy relationship, or get
satisfaction from your job if you don’t. This comes from someone who did not, for
most of her life, feel worthwhile. Many books come from the perspective of an
expert, someone who already has a healthy sense of self-worth, which I believe
immediately sets up an alienating perspective between them and us, those who
“know” and the rest of us who struggle with this issue. They assume they know
better. They may think they know better, and have a worthwhile plan, but we know
what it is really like, we have experienced and not just judged our self-defeating
behavior.

We all have varying degrees of self-doubt. A person can be wildly successful in their
life, and still have deep-seated feelings of worthlessness. There is a fear of
discovery that others will come to see what’s behind the curtain in Oz. So we strive
to accomplish more and more, climb to greater heights, yet it’s never enough. You
may try to hide it, this low sense of self-worth, but like the alcoholic who wants to
keep his drinking a secret, but staggers nonetheless, it is a visible illness. To
continue the analogy, I want to be sober. In this case sobriety equals integrity and
confidence.

Here is where to begin. It’s the Victim Thing. The most tragic or toxic aspect of
victim hood is that victims don’t know they are playing the part of the victim. They
see all around them evidence of betrayal, duplicity, and injustice so their victim
status is validated and for the most part goes unquestioned. This is why I say, be
careful, or the discovery that you have been wronged may be the last discovery you
make. We all have injustice and dysfunction in our lives. We have to come to
understand that these are just events that come and go. Again, It’s not the
circumstances that define us; it’s how we react to them.

Some of us could and do spend many hours, years, in therapy or in our rooms trying
to figure out how we got to be this way, butthis is essentialnone of it matters. It
truly doesn’t matter how we got to be damaged goods, or rather, it may matter to
you, but it is not the solution; it is simply part of a very long and complicated story.
You may very well know how and when you got to this point, but leave the blame for
now and ask instead what comes next?

Life is about choices. I can feel trapped in my life, but I can choose to begin writing
this. I can choose to eat a healthy meal. I can choose to go for a walk. I can choose
how to respond to my significant other. Every conscious choice I make brings me
that much closer to the integrity I seek, or makes it less likely. The consequence of
choosing is to remove myself from the victim role. Victims don’t create their lives;
they react to them.

Acceptance is central to the process of coming out from under our victimhood. I
would say that it is one of the basic tenets of all spiritual traditions, one that we can
use in our everyday life, in the mundane and tragic circumstances within which we
find ourselves. Like making conscious choices instead of reacting, it takes practice. I
am stuck in traffic. I have lost my job. I am sick. One alternative is protest, anger,
and bitterness. A person with low self-worth takes these things personally. A person
with integrity and confidence accepts and adapts.

The key question in any adverse circumstance is, “What do I do now and next?”
Sometimes all you can do is breathe deeply. Other times you can take definitive
action, but again, you are making conscious choices instead of reacting, you are
accepting your circumstances. Everything changes. This applies to the good
situations as well as to the negative. That is why the phrase, “This too shall pass,” is
so powerful. Peace of mind comes from accepting yourself, your life, wherever you
happen to be at any given time.

Acceptance is the bottom line. Good choices grow from acceptance. There will
always be someone better or worse off than we are. Good and bad things happen to
us and to others and can happen at any time. Our life may have been difficult or a
breeze. Who’s to say? You are. I am. To say that something is unfair is to return to
the victim mode. Don’t live a life of protest. You’ll miss so much of what is given.
Think of the world and it’s mysterious ways as an impersonal agency, so there is
nothing served by anger and resistance. We only succeed in restricting ourselves
further. We are worthwhile in our own shoes, where we stand. Practicing and
believing this is so brings the part of ourselves that we love to the surface, and then
the way gets easier and clearer.

This is a condensed excerpt for Colette Kelso’s book, Who’s a Loser?. Read the book to find a way out of a
difficult situation, a difficult perspective.
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